The Shrink Session From Heck
by xXxThe Phantom's RosexXx
Summary: What do you get when you force Doug Penhall and Tom Hanson to go see a therapist together? A shrink session from heck, that's what! Warnings: cursing, violence, brotherly love, and all around hilarity! Please read and review.


A/N: After hours of boredom, I came up with the idea to write this

**A/N: After hours of boredom, I came up with the idea to write this. If you want to read it, go ahead. By the way, I don't own 21 JS….well, except Tom Hanson and that's only in my fantasies or Sweeny Todd.  


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**Officer Tom Hanson and the Shrink Session from Hell **

Damn, damn, damn! Of all the ways to spend a Saturday I am stuck in a shrink's office! Stupid Fuller making me go to counseling…to talk about Penhall of all people! One fight and he makes us go to counseling? He won't even let us work together until after we complete our sessions! Not that I honestly mind. Penhall was getting on my last nerves! Holy jeebus!

"Tom Hanson?"

Oh crap, that's me.

"Right here."

"Come on back, Tom. The doctor is waiting,"

Is it just me or did that sound totally creepy. 'The doctor is waiting." Sounds like something out of a cheap horror movie.

"Okay, this is his office. He'll be in in a few moments. Just have a seat please."

"Thank you."

Hey, I might hate being here but I do have some people skills. You can thank my dear ol' mom for instilling them into me. Where is that stupid doctor anyway? How is he even a doctor? He isn't. He's just a man who has no life and listens to everyone else's problems for entertainment. Sick perv! Damn it, where is he?

"Mr. Hanson?"

"Dr. Todd?"

"Sorry I was late. Now then, let's get started. I don't want to waste any more of your time. Let's start with why you're here. It says in your file that you are a police officer?"

"Yup."

"Good, that's a nice job to have. May I ask how you got started in on being a cop?"

"My dad was a cop."

"Oh, following in his footsteps?"

"I guess."

"I bet he's proud of you."

"He's dead."

Stupid shrink. Why do they always have to dig in deep where it hurts?

"Oh, I'm sorry. May I ask how?"

"He was shot."

"Shot?"

"Yup. Shot."

"You don't seem very emotional about it."

Of course I'm not emotional! I don't show my emotions towards anyone, especially a shrink! I am just gonna sit here with a scowl on my face and try and not shoot myself before the session is over. Oh yeah, Fuller took my gun. Damn!

"Whatever."

"Do you always close yourself off to people?"

"I dunno."

"It says in your file you and your partner had a fight. Mind telling me about it?"

"Penhall is an ass."

"Wow, I am sensing a lot of negativity from you to this…Penhall?"

No shit Sherlock the guy shot me in the ass!

"Well, we kind of had a pretty big fight."

"What happened?"

"A few weeks ago he shot me."

"Shot you?"

"Yup. Right in the left butt cheek."

"On purpose?"

If the shrink's eyebrows shot up any further they'd be up under that cheap toupee. That is a toupee right? Looks more like a dead rat he skinned and stuck on his head. Sicko!

"Huh?"

"Did he shoot you on purpose?"

"No!"

Wow, did I just defend Penhall? Hmm...oh well.

"You defended him pretty quickly."

"Yeah well, I just believe people shouldn't be blamed for stuff they're innocent for."

"That's a good outlook to have."

"Yeah well…I guess."

"So you say he didn't shoot you on purpose?"

"Nope. It was an accident. He didn't mean to shoot me."

"Then why are you angry with him?"

"Because!" I shout, "He wouldn't leave me the hell alone! He sharpened my pencils for me! No one sharpens my pencils but me! He bought me a frickin' whoopee cushion!"

"Oh. And this upsets you…?"

"Of course! He couldn't leave me alone!"

"And what did you do?"

"Well, he asked me why I wasn't mad at him for shooting me and I just started yelling at him and he started yelling at me and Fuller comes over and tells us we'll never work together unless we go to counseling."

"And you came because you do want to patch things up and work with Penhall again?"

"Hell no! I'd be thrilled if I didn't have to work with him again!"

"You two seem to have a lot of built up anger. I think I know just the thing. What I'm going to do is talk with Penhall during his session and then see where we need to go from there."

"So I'm done?"

"For today."

Thank you Jesus!

"But Monday I want you to come in and we'll have a joint discussion with Penhall."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes Mr. Hanson, you do."

Crap.

"See ya then I guess. Have a good day."

"You too, Mr. Hanson."

Told you I had people skills!

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**Officer Doug Penhall and the Shrink Session from Hell**

I can't believe I am missing the Yankees vs. the Cubs for this! Two awesome baseball teams and I'm missing it! Why didn't I buy a VCR recorder like Booker told me too? I really need to get around to doing that.

"Doug Penhall?"

Well, might as well get this over with!

"This is Dr. Todd's office. He'll be right in."

"Thank you, ma'am," I say to the receptionist as she turns and heads back to her desk. She's got a nice tail on her, I'll give her that.

"Mr. Penhall?"

"Oh, hey! Dr. Todd?"

"Hello. Why don't you have a seat and we'll get started."

"Okkie dokkie!"

"You seem pleasantly ready to begin."

"Yes sir I am."

"I talked with Mr. Hanson earlier. He said you shot him?"

"Not on purpose! Gee, doc, I would never shoot him!"

"So he said."

"Wait…Hanson said that?"

"He said you didn't do it on purpose."

"Good. I thought he thought I did."

"Would you please explain more about your relationship with Tom?"

"Aw, me and Tommy are tight, doc…well, _were_ I guess. We were tight."

"Not any more though?"

Not since he decided to be an ass.

"No, not any more."

"What happened Mr. Penhall?"

"Well, he was all nice about me shooting him and I kept telling him it wasn't good to keep his anger penned up. I know if someone shot me in the ass I'd be so mad I'd kill 'em! But not Hanson. He said he wasn't mad at all. Well, I kept asking him and finally he started yelling at me and saying that he was mad and I yelled at him and then Fuller told us to come here."

"Sounds like you two had some penned up anger."

"Yeah. He drives me totally insane sometimes!"

"Like how?"

"Just how…neat…he is! It's disgusting! I leave a tuna sandwich in my desk over the weekend and we come back and he starts calling me a pig."

"Hmm…"

I wonder what the ol' doc is writing…oh well!

"Anyways, we don't get along."

"I see. I think I know what to do, Mr. Penhall."

"Already?"

"Yes. Just come in on Monday and we'll have a joint session with Mr. Hanson."

"Aw, is that really necessary? I mean…"

"Yes, it is."

"Alright. Guess I'll see ya then."

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**Officer Tom Hanson and Officer Doug Penhall and the Shrink Session from Hell**

"Is he usually this late?" Doctor Todd asked as Penhall tapped his hands on the arms of the chair.

"Usually. I'll bet he's flirting with that babe of a receptionist you have out there right this second."

"That '_babe_' is my _wife_, Mr. Penhall."

"Oh."

"Hey, I'm not too late, am I?" Hanson asked as he sauntered causally into the office, "I got distracted by that hot babe out there…"

"Ah-hem," Penhall coughed.

"Like I told Mr. Penhall, that babe is my wife, Mr. Hanson. I expect some respect towards her."

"Yes sir," Hanson grumbled, shooting Penhall a death stare.

"Okay, let's begin. I have talked with both of you and have come to the decision that you two just can't work together."

"What do mean?" Hanson snapped.

"Well, it seems you two just bicker…"

"We can get along!" Penhall shouted.

"Yeah," Hanson nodded, "When we want to!"

"Well, I just see it's best to have you reassigned new partners…"

"What?" Both Hanson and Penhall shouted.

"It's for the best…"

"You…you want us reassigned?" Hanson barked.

"Well…"

"Doc, Hanson and I don't always see eye to eye but we don't need new partners."

"Doug's right."

"I just don't see it being effective to have to members of the same division working together when they obviously have so much hate towards each other."

"Hate?" Hanson's eyes widened, "You…you think I hate Doug?"

"It appeared as if you both hated each other."

"Doc, I do not now, nor never will, hate Penhall. He's my partner and my brother. Hell, we're the McQuaid brother's for cryin' out loud!"

"We may want to kill each other sometimes, doc," Penhall nodded, "But we'd kill for each other too."

"Doc, this man is my brother. He might be a pain in the ass but he is my brother."

"Right back at you, bro," Penhall grinned.

"So…you don't hate each other?" Doctor Todd asked.

"Nope. Might want to reconsider your career decision," Hanson smirked.

"Yeah…" Doctor Todd looked as if he was about to be sick, "I…I guess you two can go now."

"So we can still work together?"

"Yeah," the doc nodded, "You two seem to be very close. I can't be responsible for breaking up a…a…"

"Brotherhood?"

"Brotherhood, yes, a brotherhood such as that," Doctor Todd smiled, "You two are free to go!"

Doug Penhall and Thomas Hanson quickly shook hands with the doc before hurrying out of the office.

"I can't believe he thought we hated each other," Hanson shook his head.

"Me either."

"Hell, at least we can still work together right, Doug McQuaid."

"Right, Tommy McQuaid."

"On the count of three…"

"One…"

"Two…"

"Three…"

"THE MCQUAID BROTHERS!" Hanson and Penhall shouted in unison. Several people turned and stared at them but they didn't care.

"Oh and Penhall?"

"Yeah buddy?"

"Never shoot me in the ass again, got it?"

"Got it."

"Good, because if you did, I might just have to kick your ass."

"Like you could."

"Is that a challenge?"

"I think it is," Penhall smirked as he and Hanson charged at each other.

A few moments later they both emerged from their little rumble with bloody noses and bruises.

"You're getting better at that uppercut," Penhall nodded his approval.

"And you're getting better at the left-handed punch."

"Hey, I learned from the best," Penahll nodded.

"Love you bro!"

"Love you too!"

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"Hey, Hanson, check this out," Penhall tossed a newspaper at Hanson a few weeks later.

"What's this?"

"Look at the first page."

"Doctor Goes Insane?"

"Read it."

"Doctor Todd, therapist, went insane a few weeks ago from apparently having a session with two very 'difficult' patients. After the patients left, the doctor proceeded to pound his head on the desk over and over again knocking some vital brain waves around. After this ritual, he proceeded to go to a barber shop supplier and buy two razor blades. He then moved to England and proceeded on a killing rampage slicing people's throats with the razors. The doctor was found recently in the basement of a meat pie bakery, his on throat slit…wow."

"Creepy huh?"

"Yeah, sounds like something from a bad horror story."

"Yup. I can see this as a movie in about twenty years."

"I wonder who the two 'difficult' patients were."

"Hmm…it doesn't say. Oh well."

"Wanna go get a Diggidy Dog?"

"Sure, why not?"

**A/N: Crappy I know but writing it entertained me. Go ahead, flame it, hate on it I really don't care I just entertained myself for the past 15 min so I'm fine.

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